Hey all. It’s sure been a while. Apologies for my absence.. life, yakno? But I’ll get into that.

I feel like I speak a lot in this little corner of the interwebs about the good stuff: the jobs I’m booking, the fantastic California weather, my happy little life filled with blessings. And while I know I am blessed beyond blessed beyond blessed beyond measure, (I mean, realistically, if you’re reading this, you join me in being in the top 1% of the WORLD) can I just be real for a minute? Sometimes – and certainly this past season – I struggle with feeling unhappy, or at the very least, feeling nothing.




This past year has been an absolute whirlwind. Granted that’s really no different from how I’ve always tended to live my life, but this year felt different. Maybe you can chalk it up to that big 3-0 seemingly looming around the proverbial corner. Maybe you can chalk it up to having lived in LA for six. whole. years. (insert eyes-wide-open emoji here) and I’m feeling a little stir-crazy. Maybe you can chalk it up to the ever-increasing pace required to just keep up in today’s breakneck-speed society. But whatever the reason, I’ve been finding it difficult to find my joy.




Quick pause to clarify that I am not talking about depression here. As someone who has struggled with depression between the ages of 12 and 24, and still at times today, I am no stranger to the oppressive hold it can have on your soul. To those of you who find yourself in this place, I want you to know you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, though they may not be true, and they are absolutely nothing to be ashamed about… But they also shouldn’t go unchanged. Choose not to believe the lies. You are worthy. You are lovedYou are not alone. Seek help. Ask a friend if you can’t muster it up for yourself. Get counseling or medication if you need it. Talk to someone. Anyone. I know it seems like the hardest thing in the world to raise your head up out of the darkness and fight towards the light. But choose to fight. There are people who love you and need you to do so. So do it for them. Do it for you. Several years ago, the grace of God (through a few heroic friends) saved my life, and I will ALWAYS be grateful for that.



So how do we go about reclaiming our joy? For me, it all comes down to gratitude – to slowing down long enough to remember what we have. When you’re racing along in life at 110 miles per hour, you don’t have time to notice the details in the surrounding landscape. It all gets lost in a muddled blur, completely devoid of focus. It’s in these moments I have to remember to pause, breathe, and remember all the good in my life – all the good I have been given.




In every season of unhappiness, I’ve found one common factor: thanklessness. So fight discouragement with appreciation. Reclaim your joy with an attitude of gratitude. Take a day for the things you love: see art, eat ice cream, hug a puppy, laugh with friends. Enjoy the sweetness of all these little things and so much more. Find the things to be thankful for – of which there are so many – and see if you can’t find your joy there as well.

“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:21-23



TEE | everlane
JEANS | pistola denim
SHOES | vince camuto

PHOTOGRAPHY by Kassia Phoy


  1. Thank you! I sincerely needed to read this, on a day like today.
    I stumbled across IG this morning, saw you (eye pleasing) and clicked on your bio. It lead me to your littlebeebigcity site.
    Your post is uplifting and while I struggle with some decisions I need to make for my future, the change in administration and the route I feel they are going here at my job, I find myself lost and all I can do is pray and trust in the lord.
    Not to mention, I have a nine year old daughter whom I’ve had custody of for over six years now and that little girl doesn’t even comprehend how much she truly means to me. Times are tough, but she gives me hope, joy and sense of worth, even though I think about giving up on her and letting her live with her mom, ?but I feel that’s a depressing thought that runs in my mind, when times get tough and I wouldn’t allow that to happen.
    Anyway, I just want to say thank you and I’m glad I read your blog today. It’s helping me get through today. God Bless you and continue to be great!

  2. Randomly came across your blog through a mutual friend. I hope you keep writing and sharing, you have a voice and style of writing people can relate to.

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