Hello world! Today I’m wearing my new favorite dress… seriously, I wear this thing three times a week. I love dresses like this because they’re cute, easy, and an instant-outfit. Perfect for those days when you want to put absolutely zero effort into picking an outfit but still want to trick people into thinking you tried. If you’re a casting director reading this, I’m kidding! I always put supreme effort into all things, including my appearance! Look at how poised I am! I’m so cast-able!!!
Other times this dress is perfect is on not so perfect days like today. Anyone else out there havin’ one of those days? Let’s hang out and swap stories while wearing matching “Misery Loves Company” shirts. I’ll go first. My morning started off with a producer session (fancy name for a fancy callback with directors/producers) for a film I auditioned for last week. I was prepared, well-rested, fed, relaxed, and wearing a brand new pair of shoes! The audition went so well! The scenes were so funny! I was so funny! There was no way I could fail!
Spoiler alert: I failed.
What people don’t tell you about this little career called “Acting” is that for a majority of the time it bears striking resemblance to something we like to call “Rejection”. In order to succeed in this business you have to be tough-skinned enough to bounce back quickly from the hundreds of jobs you don’t book… yet remain sensitive and emotionally available and open enough to still be a good actor. It’s a tough balance to find, but I’d like to think I do a pretty good job of it… until today.
Usually when I have a “bad audition” I reflect on what went wrong so I can learn and be better for the next one. I treat every audition as a learning opportunity, like my own little private acting class that also just happens to be free and sometimes even results in a job. But today, I just couldn’t put my finger on what exactly went wrong. Something was just… off. I sat in my car asking myself question after question… Why did that not work? If I don’t know, how am I supposed to get better? How am I supposed to make sure this never happens again? How are these new shoes already giving me blisters? STUPID SHOES.
It was around question 182 that my mister called to talk me down from my ever heightening anxiety. That man could not have more perfect timing. There are not many people who can reach me when I’m already halfway down the rabbit hole of despair, but he can and he did, with wisdom, patience, and a dash of humor. Another person who can reach me: my mama. And she reached me too with a simple text that read:
“There will be other oppties baby. Chin up!”
“I love you!”
Man. Moms are the best. And yes, mine abbreviated “opportunities” as “oppties”. She’s super cool like that.
So at the end of the day I’m simply grateful. Grateful that I am strong and perfectly capable of navigating through the ups and downs of this career. Grateful for people who pick me up in the times when I’m not. And grateful for little dresses that make me feel just that much more put together in the meantime.
Dress – H&M, Flats – Chinese Laundry, Hat – The Hatter Co, Photography by Christine Choi